MY STORY FOR RECOVERY SUNDAY 4_15_18

BY BILL L.

HI, MY NAME IS BILL, AND I’M AN ALCOHOLIC AND A NICOTINE ADDICT.  HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF MEN AND WOMEN INTRODUCE THEMSELVES LIKE THIS EVERY DAY IN ROOMS AROUND THE WORLD.  PEOPLE WHO ARE IN RECOVERY FROM SOME SORT OF ADDICTION OR DEPENDENCY.

FOR MANY YEARS MY LIFE WAS A MESS.  FROM EARLY CHILDHOOD I ISOLATED DUE TO A SEVERE STUTTER.  I BUILT STRONG WALLS FOR PROTECTION.  THOSE WALLS SOON BECAME A PRISON.  AT LSU IN 1968 I DISCOVERED THAT ALCOHOL COULD OPEN A HOLE IN THOSE WALLS BRIEFLY AND IT WAS GOOD.

I ATTENDED MASS DAILY, SANG & PLAYED GUITAR AT 6 O'CLOCK MASS, WAS IN A PRAYER GROUP, AND DROVE TO NOTRE DAME WITH 3 OTHER STUDENTS FOR AN INTERNATIONAL CATHOLIC CHARISMATIC RENEWAL CONFERENCE ---- AND IT WAS VERY GOOD.

TIMES CHANGE, I STARTED MISSING CHURCH OCCASIONALLY AND IT WAS OK.  ONE BEER/DAY GRADUALLY BECAME A 6-PACK, THEN 2 AND IT WASN'T SO GREAT.  I EVENTUALLY QUIT GOING TO CHURCH BECAUSE IT WAS CUTTING INTO MY DRINKING TIME AND IT WAS TAKING MORE AND MORE JUST TO BE OK. RUTH FOUND THIS LITTLE CHURCH AND STARTED ATTENDING WITH THE KIDS.

ABOUT 5 YEARS LATER, IN FEB. '94, OUR 14-YEAR-OLD SON, JAMEY WAS STRUCK BY A CAR WHILE RIDING HIS BIKE AT DUSK.  HE WAS 3 DAYS IN INTENSIVE CARE BEFORE BEING PRONOUNCED BRAIN DEAD.

FOR A LONG TIME I BLAMED MYSELF THINKING HE WAS ONLY OUT RIDING THAT LATE BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO COME HOME TO A DRUNKEN FATHER --AT THIS POINT YOU SEE, IN MY MIND, I WASN'T AN ALCOHOLIC.

2 6-PACKS/DAY BECAME A CASE/DAY AND FOR A YEAR I WASN'T DRINKING TO FEEL GOOD -   I WAS DRINKING TO NOT FEEL BAD, TO BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH MYSELF.

IN FEBRUARY OF '95 MY SUPERVISOR GAVE ME THE PHONE # OF OUR EMPLOYEE ASSISTANCE PROGRAM.  I HAD A 1 HOUR APPT. WITH A COUNSELLOR AND, AT HIS URGING, RETURNED WITH RUTH THE NEXT DAY. I TOOK A TEST WHERE 3 YES ANSWERS OUT OF 20 MEANT YOU PROBABLY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL, I ANSWERED YES TO 17 OF THEM.  WE MADE ARRANGEMENTS AND 4 DAYS LATER - MONDAY MORNING MARCH 6, 1995 - I CHECKED INTO TAU CENTER WHERE I WAS INPATIENT FOR 2 WEEKS AND OUTPATIENT FOR 2. IT WAS HERE THAT I WAS INTRODUCED TO THE 12-STEPS OF AA. 

THE FIRST 3 STEPS OF ANY 12-STEP PROGRAM STATE THAT

1) WE ADMITTED THAT WE WERE POWERLESS OVER OUR DEPENDENCIES, THAT OUR LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. ----THAT WAS ME ALL RIGHT

2) WE CAME TO BELIEVE THAT A POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES COULD RESTORE US TO SANITY-----HE'D ALREADY SHOWN ME HE WAS WORKING IN MY LIFE.

3) WE MADE A DECISION TO TURN OUR WILL AND OUR LIVES OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM.

THE FIRST SUNDAY AS OUTPATIENT, 3 WEEKS SOBER, I RETURNED TO CHURCH WITH MY FAMILY AFTER A DECADE+ OF TURNING MY BACK ON GOD - NOT THE CHURCH I’D GROWN UP IN, BUT THE CHURCH RUTH HAD RETURNED TO WHEN I QUIT GOING. 

IT WAS NOT JUST COINCIDENCE THAT THE GOSPEL THAT DAY WAS THE PARABLE OF THE PRODIGAL SON.

"YOU LISTENING BOY?  I'M TALKIN TO YOU!"

THE SERMON WAS ON GRACE, AN UNDESERVED, FREELY GIVEN GIFT FROM GOD, BEYOND UNDERSTANDING, THAT FEEDS AND NURTURES THE HUMAN SOUL.

"YES, I SAID YOU!"

THIS WAS MY 2ND TIME TO SET FOOT IN THIS CHURCH. THE 1ST WAS JAMEY’S FUNERAL A YEAR EARLIER -- RUTH AND I WERE ASKED TO BRING THE OBLATIONS UP TO THE ALTAR -THE BREAD AND WINE.

"YOUR CALL."

WALKING UP THE AISLE I WAS PRAYING...

"OK GOD, I’M WHIPPED, I CAN'T DO IT, BUT I KNOW YOU CAN.  HERE'S THE BREAD AND WINE, AND HERE'S ME - I TURN MY LIFE AND MY WILL OVER TO YOUR CARE.  DO WITH ME WHAT YOU WILL.  AMEN."

  I FELT A LOVE AND JOY AND WARMTH AND STRENGTH AND FREEDOM AND PEACE THAT I’D NEVER KNOWN FLOW OVER ME - I FELT ARMS AROUND MY SHOULDERS - AND I HEARD A VOICE, SPEAKING TO MY HEART, SAYING "WELCOME HOME SON"--   FR. TOMMY REMINDED US 2 WEEKS AGO THAT, AT THE TOMB, MARY MAGDELENE DID NOT RECOGNIZE JESUS UNTIL HE CALLED HER BY NAME – THIS WAS MY CALL! - INWARDLY, I WEPT.

THIS CHURCH FAMILY WELCOMED ME LIKE A LONG-LOST BROTHER, WARTS AND ALL, KNOWING EXACTLY WHO AND WHAT I WAS. YES, I TRULY KNEW I WAS 'HOME', THAT I WAS A CHILD OF GOD, AND THAT I WAS LOVED!

A WEEK LATER AT MY 'GRADUATION' FROM THE 28 DAY PROGRAM MY SMALL GROUP COUNSELLOR CALLED ME ASIDE AND SAID "BILL, I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING.  FOR THREE WEEKS I’VE GONE TO MORNING STAFF MEETING AND HAD TO TELL THEM 'BILL'S JUST NOT GETTING IT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO'. THEN YOU COME IN THIS WEEK AND IT'S LIKE SOMEONE FLIPPED A LIGHT SWITCH - SUDDENLY YOU GOT IT!

I TOLD HER OF MY EXPERIENCE THE PREVIOUS SUNDAY. I'D WORKED THAT 3RD STEP FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, NOT MERELY ON PAPER OR IN MY HEAD.  ALSO, FOR THREE WEEKS I’D GONE TO SMALL GROUP THINKING "OK, WHAT THE <BLEEP> AM I GONNA GET OUT OF THIS TODAY?"  THAT LAST WEEK I WENT IN THINKING "LORD, SHOW ME HOW I CAN HELP SOMEONE ELSE TODAY!" 

THAT WAS IN MARCH OF 1995.  SINCE THEN I’VE CONTINUED TO ATTEND AA MEETINGS AND RECOVERY WEEKENDS.  IN 1998 A FELLOW AA MEMBER DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO RETURN TO CHURCH.  WHERE DID HE DECIDE TO GO?  RIGHT HERE, SITTING IN THE CHAIR RIGHT BEHIND "MY CHAIR" (COINCIDENCE? I DON'T THINK SO!).  THIS OLD-TIMER REMOTIVATED ME AND I HELPED HIM START A NEW AA MEETING HERE.  THANK YOU, OLIVER!

CONVERSATIONS WITH OLIVER GOT ME TO THINKING.... 

WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO BE AN EARLY CHRISTIAN?

I PICTURE GROUPS OF MEN AND WOMEN --NEWCOMERS, AS WELL AS THOSE WHO WERE THERE AT THE BEGINNING, OFTEN SCORNED AND PERSECUTED, GATHERED TOGETHER IN SMALL ROOMS IN A SPIRIT OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

--TO SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH, AND HOPE WITH EACH OTHER

--TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE THIS "NEW LIFE"

--TO GO AND SPREAD THE GOOD NEWS TO ALL WHO WOULD LISTEN

--AND TO PRACTICE THESE NEWLY LEARNED PRINCIPLES IN ALL THEIR DAILY AFFAIRS.

I CAN TELL YOU FROM EXPERIENCE THAT THIS PICTURE IS BEING ENACTED EVERY DAY, IN SMALL ROOMS AND LARGE, ACROSS THE WORLD.  IN THE ROOMS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS, NICOTINE ANONYMOUS, OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS, AND ALL THE OTHER 12-STEP PROGRAMS - IT IS HAPPENING!

-THE BIBLE HAS GIVEN ME GUIDELINES, A PATTERN FOR LIVING, AND GOALS TO STRIVE FOR

-THE BIG BOOK OF AA HAS GIVEN ME TOOLS TO BE ABLE TO GET STARTED

-MY FAMILY, CHURCH, FRIENDS, AND AA FELLOWSHIP GIVE ME THE LOVE AND SUPPORT TO MAKE IT WORTHWHILE

-AND MY GOD GIVES ME THE GRACE AND STRENGTH TO CARRY IT OUT.

IN AUGUST '99 THE ARM RETREAT AT SOLOMON CONFERENCE CENTER WAS GIVEN BY FR. LEO BOOTH. THE THEME OF THE WEEKEND WAS "SPIRITUALITY IN RECOVERY".  AT ONE POINT FR. LEO MENTIONED WE HAVE TO KNOW WHEN TO GET UP OFF OUR KNEES AND BE PREPARED TO MARCH (PARAPHRASING MLK,JR).

I FELT CALLED THAT WEEKEND TO BECOME MORE ACTIVE AND VOLUNTEERED TO REPRESENT ST. MARGARET'S ON THE COMMISSION OF THE ADDICTIONS RECOVERY MINISTRY (ARM)- A SPECIALIZED MINISTRY OF THE EPISCOPAL DIOCESE OF LOUISIANA AS WELL AS A LOCAL AFFILIATE OF THE RECOVERY MINISTRIES OF THE NATIONAL EPISCOPAL CHURCH.

THE ADDICTIONS RECOVERY MINISTRY STRIVES TO REACH PEOPLE TROUBLED WITH ADDICTIONS OF ALL TYPES (DRUGS, ALCOHOL, WORK, FOOD, SHOPPING, GAMBLING, SEX, TV, INTERNET, OTHER PEOPLE....) PEOPLE SUFFERING FROM THE ADDICTIONS AS WELL AS THEIR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS ARE INCLUDED IN THIS OUTREACH MINISTRY. WE PROVIDE SETTINGS AND EVENTS IN WHICH PEOPLE CAN ENCOUNTER THE GOSPEL IN THE CONTEXT OF A LOVING CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY. WE ALSO PROVIDE A RECOVERY SETTING FOR THOSE WITHIN THE CHURCH NEEDING A SAFE HAVEN FOR ADDRESSING THEIR ADDICTION. ONE OF OUR PRIMARY CONCERNS IS TO BE OF SERVICE TO OUR CHURCH FAMILIES AS RESOURCE AND SUPPORT FOR THOSE SUFFERING FROM ADDICTION OR THOSE LIVING WITH ADDICTS OR ALCOHOLICS. WE ALSO SERVE TO BRING THE CHURCH TO THE PEOPLE IN RECOVERY.

SO HERE I AM TODAY--- BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE…

I STARTED SMOKING MY SR. YEAR OF H.S. AND SMOKED FOR 5 YEARS, THEN QUIT FOR 2 YEARS. I WAS AT A FOOTBALL PARTY ONE NIGHT, GOT OFFERED A CIG, AND SAID 'HECK, ONE CAN'T HURT AFTER ALL THIS TIME' -WRONG!!! - I BOUGHT A PACK ON THE WAY HOME AND RELAPSED FOR 25 YEARS.    IN THE TAU CENTER MY DR. DID ADVISE NOT QUITTING BOTH TOGETHER.  I DECIDED TO GIVE MYSELF 1 YR. SOBER THEN QUIT SMOKING. 1 YR. BECAME 2, THEN 3.  NEW YEAR'S EVE I PUT OUT MY LAST CIGARETTE AND HAVE NOW BEEN SMOKEFREE SINCE 1/1/99.  I DID’NT IMAGINE THE CHANGES WOULD BE AS DRAMATIC AS 4 YEARS EARLIER - BOY, WAS I WRONG!! - LOOSING THE CHAINS OF ANY ADDICTION IS A LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE

   TO WIN, I HAVE TO SURRENDER. TO KEEP WHAT I'VE GOT, I HAVE TO GIVE IT AWAY. SO I CONTINUE TO WORK IN OUR DIOCESAN ADDICTIONS RECOVERY MINISTRY, TO GO TO MEETINGS, TO SHARE MY EXPERIENCE STRENGTH AND HOPE WITH THOSE WHO FOLLOW, AND TO BE REMINDED BY THEM WHAT IT WAS LIKE AND TO BE BUOYED UP BY THEIR YOUTHFUL ENTHUSIASM.

  THANK YOU ALL FOR HELPING ME IN MY RECOVERY, ONE DAY AT A TIME, for the last 8,442 days.

WELL, THAT'S WHERE I AM TODAY - ONE STEP, ONE DAY FARTHER ALONG THIS WONDERFUL JOURNEY THAT STARTED OVER 23 YEARS AGO.

EACH DAY I THANK MY GOD FOR ANOTHER CHANCE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT - ANOTHER DAY SOBER AND SMOBER, FOR THE FRIENDS I'VE MET ON THIS JOURNEY AND THOSE I'VE YET TO MEET, FOR MY CHURCH, FAMILY AND FRIENDS, FOR THE PROGRAM OF AA, AND, MOST OF ALL, FOR HIS UNFAILING LOVE!

NOW I’D LIKE TO SHARE WITH Y'ALL A POEM I FIRST HEARD SEVERAL DECADES AGO BUT HAD NOT FULLY FELT IT’S IMPACT TILL I WAS IN RECOVERY.

The Touch of the Master's Hand

'Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer

     Thought it scarcely worth his while

To waste much time on the old violin,

     But held it up with a smile.

"What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,

   "Who'll start the bidding for me?"

"A dollar, a dollar. Then two! Only two?

     Two dollars, and who'll make it three?"

"Three dollars, once; three dollars, twice;

     Going for three…" But no,

From the room, far back, a grey-haired man

     Came forward and picked up the bow;

Then wiping the dust from the old violin,

     And tightening the loosened strings,

He played a melody pure and sweet,

     As a caroling angel sings.

The music ceased, and the auctioneer,

     With a voice that was quiet and low,

Said: "What am I bid for the old violin?"

     And he held it up with the bow.

"A thousand dollars, and who'll make it two?

     Two thousand! And who'll make it three?

Three thousand, once; three thousand, twice,

   And going and gone," said he.

The people cheered, but some of them cried,

   "We do not quite understand.

What changed its worth?" Swift came the reply:

   "The touch of a master's hand."

And many a man with life out of tune,

     And battered and scarred with sin,

Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd

     Much like the old violin.

A "mess of pottage," a glass of wine,

   A game — and he travels on.

He is "going" once, and "going" twice,

   He's "going" and almost "gone."

But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd

   Never can quite understand

The worth of a soul and the change that is wrought

   By the touch of the Master's hand.

MY FRIENDS, IF IT WERE NOT FOR THAT TOUCH

I WOULD NOT BE STANDING HERE TODAY!

ONCE AGAIN TO BORROW FROM FROM FATHER TOMMY'S EASTER SERMON

THE PROMISE OF EASTER IS THAT THE RESURRECTION TRANSFORMS TRAGEDY AND HEALS BROKENNESS. WHEN I REACH MY LIMITS, RESURRECTION GIVES ME HOPE FOR THE FUTURE. I IDENTIFY WITH MARY OF MAGDALA: THERE ARE MOMENTS I CAN'T SEE BEYOND MY PAIN OR SELF CONCERN, AND THEN I HEAR JESUS CALL MY NAME, AND I'M ALIVE AGAIN.  WE KNOW WE HAVE A LIFE OF SECOND CHANCES – DO OVERS – WE CAN MAKE AMENDS, NOT JUST TODAY BUT EVERY DAY. JESUS CHRIST HAS BEEN RAISED FROM THE DEAD. HE IS ALIVE. AS MARY MAGDALENE SAID, "I HAVE SEEN THE LORD"

NOW I GO OUT AND SHARE THE GOOD NEWS

Bill L.

Alcoholic/Nicotinic

By the Grace of God I am

Sober and sucking clean air today, just today

and for that I am truly grateful :)

DOSobriety 3/5/95   DOSmobriety 1/1/99

12th Step Prayer

http://billl.homestead.com/12thStepPrayer.html